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[undiagnosed]

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[undiagnosed]

Do you have time to wait until the heat death of the universe?

Honeybee's
Sporting goods

Before you think about coming to piss me off, I'm their weapons expert

[demonicmiracle]

I'm immortal, remember?

Don't threaten me with a good time

[undiagnosed]

Is that why you whined like a bitch when I beanbagged you?

You're right
Setting up the bear traps to keep people (you) away from me does sound pretty fun

[demonicmiracle]

I did not whine like a bitch, it wasn't me that threatened you about it

[That was Aziraphale!!]

Please, you think I've never had a leg taken off before? That's just foreplay

[undiagnosed]

Are you calling Avery a bitch?

[demonicmiracle]

Avery invented being a bitch

[undiagnosed]

[he twitches a smile at that, even though crowley can't see it. this-- is a normal relationship, right?

it makes his heart hurt a little, too, but he ignores that.]

And yet you out-bitch him
He must be so proud

[demonicmiracle]

I'm certain he is
Anyway, I helped invent sin and he's better at most of those than I am, only fair I get to be the bigger bitch

[There's a difference between bitching and being a bitch, obviously. He's willing to claim one.]

[undiagnosed]

Why'd you make all the fun shit sinful you bitch

[demonicmiracle]

You'll have to take that up with God, all I did was introduce humans to the concept

[undiagnosed]

God sounds like a bigger bitch than my mother
And that's saying something

[demonicmiracle]

Well she did throw me into a pit of boiling sulfur because I wanted to unionise

[undiagnosed]

Pretty sure mine murdered a bunch of janitors that wanted to unionize

I think I'm starting to understand why we hit it off so well

[demonicmiracle]

Suppose that's the human equivalent of casting half your creations out of Heaven

[Is he a reliable narrator about his fall? Absolutely not.]

And here I thought it was because I'm so charming

[undiagnosed]

That's kind of sad and hilarious at the same time

[demonicmiracle]

Found the title of your sex tape

[undiagnosed]

Actually it was a really good pun that I'm mad I can't remember

[demonicmiracle]

Don't tell me you actually have a sex tape

[undiagnosed]

Who's to say
They call it blackout drunk for a reason

[demonicmiracle]

If it exists, lets hope it never sees the light of day

[undiagnosed]

Whatever
Did you want something?

[demonicmiracle]

A handjob
Obviously

[undiagnosed]

Nope
Next

[demonicmiracle]

[The truth is that he does, unfortunately, give a tiny bit of a shit about Archer, and feels Some Kind Of Way about the fact he sought him out, after returning from him jaunt home.

But he can't come out and say that.]

Want to go get drunk at that shit bar?

[undiagnosed]

[unceremoniously:] Nope
Third time the charm?